Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The update....again

Soooooooooo....I know its been a while. Let's see where to start.

Mama is slowing down little by little. She's very skinny and can't even lift cups full of water. She's still got her spirit and her smile. Those things keep me going. Hell I have to hold onto something. I really feel like my world is literally falling apart around me. The pain, if I allowed myself to feel it, would probably kill me.

There's this girl. We'll call her F. F and I had been talking casually since Jan. of this year. We never got together because she seemed to make excuse after excuse for not wanting to get together with me. Well recently, she calls and texts me almost daily. She's cool as a friend, but that's it......but she is fine.

O and I are still talking. I don't know how to describe what we have. Definitely a strong friendship but our feelings are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past friends. I think of him all the time. For the last week its been raining everynight and I just hug my pillow and wish it were him...I am so scared because with school and residency search and mama being sick and .....well you get the point....I'm not the most emotionally stable woman on earth. I don't want to drag him into my sick sad world, get used to him being there, and then he leaves when things get difficult.

I'm gonna fall for him if I'm not more careful.....