Sunday, September 29, 2013

Sunday night thoughts

I usually spend Sunday nights watching tv or studying. Tonight is no different. Weekends go by so freaking quick. All the time. Then Monday arrives and time moves backwards. I really can't wait to see my boyfriend again. Usually weeks to months go by, each set of time it gets more and more difficult. I don't even know when I'll see him again. Hopefully soon cause I really miss him
I've been studying for boards. I'm sick to death of it. November 8 is the test day. I gotta pass. I need this for my career and more importantly for myself.  

Sunday, September 22, 2013


Every since the death of my mother, I have been alone. And I didn't  like it, but I got used to it. It's what makes weekends on the couch saying and doing nothing so easy. Why I never felt the pressure to get married, only the annoying nagging sensation that I'm not supposed to marry because God did not make a person for me. It's what makes the thought of me possibly never being able to have kids bearable. Then by mistake, I found it. Presented to me in the package of a beautiful, brave, stubborn, southern man. I can't imagine a life without him by my side. My brain tells me that feeling this way about another person is not logical and will lead to pain. My heart says, "fuck you brain"...... Not too long ago I fucked up because I behaved as if I were still alone. He didn't leave. In fact he loved me harder because he coulda walked away but he stayed. If he ever reads this, I love you..... And because of you, I don't want to be alone anymore

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Longer time

Time again has passed. Sorry if any one is still reading. The things in my life that have happened.... Man. Too many to write at once. There's personal and there's career and then the bitch in my head that causes my confidence to hit the floor. I try to sedate her fairly often but it doesn't always work. 

I have finished residency and I'm working in a small clinic in rural Arkansas. My job is awesome. The nurses are more than helpful. 

My love life flipped upside down, turned inside out and now I'm with ..... We'll call him B. He's been in my life since last December. Innocent friendship that turned into a person I don't see myself without him. 

My talks with myself are 50 shades of fucked up. I beat myself down. Criticize the lovely me I am. Ill get better.... After I stop hating me and write more