Depression

For years, since my mother died, I have hated summer time. It's something a lot of people don't understand because my birthday is in the middle of the summer..... As is my mothers death. It's been 5 years and those wounds are still fresh. And I hurt so badly it makes my tears cry. I just want my mom back. That's all. I just want my mom

Reflection

Thinking a lot about me. What is wrong. My mistakes. My life is a work of art but there are a lot of erase lines and cracks in it. I know what I need to do next. I just am a little afraid to do so. 

Keep me in your prayers

My life

Well since my last entry a few things have happened 

I'm almost one year out of residency. Time flies so fast. I'm at a nice clinic and I love my staff. It has it's ups and downs but what job doesn't?

The boyfriend. Now an ex boyfriend. He hit me. We went on vacation, I said something out of line. That lead to an argument and him putting his hands on me. Hurting me. Not caring if I was ok. I actually remained with him for about a week and a half but I couldn't. As much as I used to love him, that's how much I hate him now. Hasn't even been 2 months and he has a new woman in his life. If she ever reads this, he isn't ok. He's a good man with a bad problem. Bad enough to make him the ugliest person I've ever dealt with. Maybe he will treat you better.... But he hit his ex wife, he hit me and you might be next. Or maybe not. Either way.... I'm happy to be away from him. I'd rather be alone than abused

Well I'm gonna try to be more active on this blog and my food blog. Take care and love like there's no tomorrow cause there might not be. 

- Yuli 

Whirlwind

Since my last post, things went crazy

I found out my loving wonderful boyfriend has been talking to other women online. Women he hasn't met in person or had sex with, but he's sent them photos and sexual videos. This lead to a fight. A big fight. One that left me in a state of paralysis and stupidity. I knew if it were one of my friends, I'd say to leave him. No questions asked, done deal, the end. But it's me, and honestly..... I really think he is sorry. Our argument replays in my head over and over. The woman he did the things with is very nice and didn't make a scene when she showed me evidence of his dealings. Right now, all I know is I love him. I want things to go back to the way they were. Do I wait around and risk being a fool again..... Or do I swallow my love and make a clean break

I gotta see this one through. I love him. 

A vent

So over the past few days the man I'm in a relationship with has come to visit me. I can't be happier that he's here.... But last night he dropped a bomb on me. He told me that despite his wishes he will not be able to move in with me. 

Now.... You may be wondering why on earth is this upsetting. I am a traditional woman only in a few ways. One of which is to be married before I live with a man. However, my current boyfriend.... God knows I love him. And I want nothing more than to be with this man and grow old with him. So I let my guard down and allowed myself to get excited about having him with me. Then this happens. If anything I am scolding myself for getting my hopes up. He wants to work to be more financially stable, I get that. I support that. His money does not matter to me.... But it does to him. I see why some men get concerned when their woman is more successful than them. They feel a need to catch up. I also see why some women date men just as successful as they are.... So they don't have to slow down. I love this man and until I find out love isn't enough, I'm not going anywhere. 

Sunday night thoughts

I usually spend Sunday nights watching tv or studying. Tonight is no different. Weekends go by so freaking quick. All the time. Then Monday arrives and time moves backwards. I really can't wait to see my boyfriend again. Usually weeks to months go by, each set of time it gets more and more difficult. I don't even know when I'll see him again. Hopefully soon cause I really miss him

I've been studying for boards. I'm sick to death of it. November 8 is the test day. I gotta pass. I need this for my career and more importantly for myself.  

Alone

Every since the death of my mother, I have been alone. And I didn't  like it, but I got used to it. It's what makes weekends on the couch saying and doing nothing so easy. Why I never felt the pressure to get married, only the annoying nagging sensation that I'm not supposed to marry because God did not make a person for me. It's what makes the thought of me possibly never being able to have kids bearable. Then by mistake, I found it. Presented to me in the package of a beautiful, brave, stubborn, southern man. I can't imagine a life without him by my side. My brain tells me that feeling this way about another person is not logical and will lead to pain. My heart says, "fuck you brain"...... Not too long ago I fucked up because I behaved as if I were still alone. He didn't leave. In fact he loved me harder because he coulda walked away but he stayed. If he ever reads this, I love you..... And because of you, I don't want to be alone anymore