Chillin in the clinic

Hey folks,
Sorry I've been away for so long. 24 hours before my board exam, my internet died. I'm still waiting to get access to it again so I am internetless....if that is a word. Anywho....

I think the test went well. My results will be back within a month or so. I really feel like I passed and when I do, its gonna be great. I celebrated a bit early and got SHIT faced last friday. I think I pissed off some of my classmates b/c I ended up making a very large fool of myself. Yeah...it was bad. I think my friends aren't gonna hang out with me again....

So my valentine's day actually has plans. I am going to be cooking dinner for somebody. I asked for some opinions and apparently everyone thinks steak is the way to go. I don't think my date eats their steak undercooked so I am just gonna have to learn how to cook a well done steak. Oh if you're wondering, I eat mine medium. :) MMMMM raw meat :)

I wrote my ex an email. Not a long one, just one letting him go. I was polite and I'm really happy with what I said. He didn't respond to me and that's ok. I didn't write it for him. I wrote it for me.

Well I'm gonna go home in a sec. All my notes are taken care of and I'm just sitting here typing and looking at my two classmates, Drew and Jack....

CHINESE BOGOTA!!!

one week to go

So I'm a week out from my final time taking my boards. I know I got this. I know I will pass but I have to block out all these negative feeling from me for just one more week. Then , my 2 faithful readers, the poetry and stories will flow from my fingertips onto this lovely blogging device.

Til then. Please pray for me

My exile from my life

So I what sitting around yesterday thinking about how much I hated my life. I mean within the last month, I lost a brother, the man I thought I would marry, my best friend has stopped talking to me...I just really really felt sorry for myself. Ate some french fries and went to sleep.

Woke up today, feeling alot better. Had an explaination for almost everything....

Ahmad was an awesome person, but his time was cut short b/c of pain. Pain I wished he would have shared instead of letting eat him alive. I miss him. I know he and I didn't spend as much time together as I would have liked. I know he's gonna be watchin over me. I miss him alot already.

As far as my ex...it was cool...no, wonderful, while it lasted. All good things have to come to an end and the sand in our hour glass ran out. I do wish him well and maybe in the future we can be civil. But right now, having him gone is the best thing for me.

S is my best friend. We've been buddies since I was 12 and now she just refuses to talk to me. She says there is no way one person can have such bad luck. I dunno what planet she's on or from but I want her to come back to earth.

D and I had a great weekend. We watched movies and just hung out. Had a wonderful time....then he told me how much he loved me. Truthfully, I love him back. Not romantically, but if I let myself, I would. I'm just not ready. Not ready to be tied down, not ready to love or be loved.

8 days til the step....

Soooooo sleepy

Morning yall,

So I'm here at clinic and I'm tired as hell. I dunno why. I got plenty of sleep last night, i'm just really groggy. I drunk my daily dose of coffee and ate some oatmeal but to no avail I'm still sitting here half sleep thinking about ....well

D wants to ride home with me. His people live in the same place as mine. I told him I didn't care. He'll have a nice soft couch to sleep on. Am I wrong for that? I really enjoy D as a friend and I do not want to lead him on. So putting him on the couch is a good idea....right?

E still being ghost. I try to tell myself over and over again that he isn't avoiding me, this is just how he is. I mean, if we went about a month and I didn't text him...he'd be blowing up my phone trying to see if I'm ok. I know he likes me...he's actually said the words I like you to me recently. I just wish he were not so controlled with his emotions. But maybe I should take a que from him and disconnect myself. I'll try to not text him for a while....try......

Well its time for rounds....yawn........and I got 7 patients. Shoot me now

cyall

Looking to Him for forgiveness

Well, now about 48 hours has passed since my erruption of anger and now I kinda feel bad about it. Not b/c I think I hurt his feelings, I really don't care about that. I'm feeling bad b/c I let myself get to that point of anger. I think today after work I'm going to take the post down. Even though he can't see it, I don't think it should be up there.

So....E is back to his self. He's not good with emotions or communications sometimes. Also, he's a 2nd year medical student, so its not like he's got all the time in the world to talk about shit. I do miss him, as my friend. I guess we'll speak soon. And no....he isn't a reader of this blog.

M is upset with me. I'm really not too fucked up about it, but I just wanna keep yall updated.

A guy I haven't mentioned, D, he wants to go out. He knows I'm not into the whole finding a new boo thing. We'll see how that goes.

Guess I need to go get my patients. Cyall later.

My immaturity came out

Ok....

So last night I found out that my ex not only wasn't goin to return my things....but he threw them out. I was mad. In fact I was so mad that I let my immaturity come out and acted like him and wrote a rather mean piece about him. Something I didn't tell yall is that we made a child....no I'm not pregnant anymore. Don't judge me.

So I went off and now alot of people on facebook are "concerned" about me. As many people didn't know that we were together didn't know we'd broken up. Everyone's freakin out.

For the record...fuck him.

The good, the bad and the ugly

The good, E called last night. I mean, he and I talk alot anyway, but now when he calls, I find myself stubbling over my words and sounding a bit like an idoit. I really like him, I always have....guess I should stop that.

The bad: So its been about 2 1/2 weeks since my breakup and I want my things back from my ex. Not gifts, but little tokens I gave him. I've asked him several times to send me my things back, nothing. Why hold on to something you don't need or want anymore. Backwards to me. Do I still have his shit....yeap. I'm still trying to decide what to do with it. Some of it will be burned. Some I might send back.....maybe I'll send the burned things back......hmm...heh heh

The ugly: My niece (who is older than me) has been married to a lazy shiftless, useless piece of a man for about 6 years. They have two kids together. He has an engineering degree, but does not work. He recently told her that he was going to leave her. I've never heard my niece cry before, but she was crying. I really wanna go over there and hem his lil ass up. But I don't need to go to jail for that....cause I might kill his ass.