Figured I'd use a happy color. I PASSED MY BOARDS GOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEE

Now that I got that outta my system...I texted my ex and told him that I passed. He congradulated me. I shoulda said, "I passed without your useless ass you son of a bitch."....but I didn't

D and I spent valentine day together. I cooked dinner and he brought movies and flowers. Dinner was awesome and the movie we watched was sooooooo good. Then I got sooooo sleepy....sleep by 10. Lame huh? Well he just held me the whole night. Woke up in his arms, kissed his cheek and went back to sleep for a while. It was a good one....still think the holiday is useless though.

E has explained to me that he is just going through alot right now and that the way he handles it is by shutting himself off. I can only accept that, but it don't make things any better. I'm still upset with him.

I'm bout half sleep in clinic. I really need to take a nap....just not on my patients...

ttyl

Sorry about cutting yall off in the middle of a blog....lemme see if I can fill in the spots...

Still waiting for my board score. I think I passed. I know I did. I put alot of effort and time into studying and I don't believe all of this was in vain. I know I passed.

My ex and I are astranged from one another and that is just fine with me. I wish him the most decent life possible. I still need to do something with his stuff. I'm either gonna burn it, throw it out, or give it away. I'm thinking the latter.

E and I are into it. He said I crowd him too much...although I haven't made any attempts on contacting him. I know he's a second year and from experience sometimes you just don't wanna be around anyone but yourself and your class mates.....don't mean that your friends deserve to feel like shit. Anyway, I deleted his number a week or so ago. Told him its up to him to contact me and left it at that.

D and I are spending valentine's day together. My plan is to cook for him. Probably will make steak and potatoes with some type of veggie and dessert. I look forward to it....but valentine's day is still a pointless holiday.

M is mad at me. He actually stopped talking to me again. LOL I just turn em on and off like lights huh. Oh well...his loss

I went on a blind date and it was absolutely awful. I haven't called him and vice versa. I'm really happy that we both didn't see potential in the other.

I really wanna like my life and be happy right now. I'm kinda scared because all the times in the past when I've been really happy, the earth gets snatched from under me and I go spiraling down. Hopefully it won't happen this time.

Ok gonna go round now. ttyl and thanks for reading.

Eggs, Weddings, and Clinic

I know, interesting title....

So I went this drug rep's presentation on this cholesterol medicine. He has this breakfast wrap thing w/o pork in it so I got one. Although it was very tasty, I'm now sitting here trying to not pass out in this chair. I just need to sleep more....

I had a dream about a wedding. I don't think it is my own, but somehow my ex creeped his way into my head. You know, at times I think I hate him. I really want to cuss him out but I've been silent. I really really dislike him and I wish I could be mature and say that I wish him well but I don't. Just can't be grown up right now.

E has disappeared. I sent him a text a while back and asked if he missed me. We haven't spoken on the phone since new year's day. Apparently I am crowding him.....

oops, we're rounding. more info later

Chillin in the clinic

Hey folks,
Sorry I've been away for so long. 24 hours before my board exam, my internet died. I'm still waiting to get access to it again so I am internetless....if that is a word. Anywho....

I think the test went well. My results will be back within a month or so. I really feel like I passed and when I do, its gonna be great. I celebrated a bit early and got SHIT faced last friday. I think I pissed off some of my classmates b/c I ended up making a very large fool of myself. Yeah...it was bad. I think my friends aren't gonna hang out with me again....

So my valentine's day actually has plans. I am going to be cooking dinner for somebody. I asked for some opinions and apparently everyone thinks steak is the way to go. I don't think my date eats their steak undercooked so I am just gonna have to learn how to cook a well done steak. Oh if you're wondering, I eat mine medium. :) MMMMM raw meat :)

I wrote my ex an email. Not a long one, just one letting him go. I was polite and I'm really happy with what I said. He didn't respond to me and that's ok. I didn't write it for him. I wrote it for me.

Well I'm gonna go home in a sec. All my notes are taken care of and I'm just sitting here typing and looking at my two classmates, Drew and Jack....

CHINESE BOGOTA!!!

one week to go

So I'm a week out from my final time taking my boards. I know I got this. I know I will pass but I have to block out all these negative feeling from me for just one more week. Then , my 2 faithful readers, the poetry and stories will flow from my fingertips onto this lovely blogging device.

Til then. Please pray for me

My exile from my life

So I what sitting around yesterday thinking about how much I hated my life. I mean within the last month, I lost a brother, the man I thought I would marry, my best friend has stopped talking to me...I just really really felt sorry for myself. Ate some french fries and went to sleep.

Woke up today, feeling alot better. Had an explaination for almost everything....

Ahmad was an awesome person, but his time was cut short b/c of pain. Pain I wished he would have shared instead of letting eat him alive. I miss him. I know he and I didn't spend as much time together as I would have liked. I know he's gonna be watchin over me. I miss him alot already.

As far as my ex...it was cool...no, wonderful, while it lasted. All good things have to come to an end and the sand in our hour glass ran out. I do wish him well and maybe in the future we can be civil. But right now, having him gone is the best thing for me.

S is my best friend. We've been buddies since I was 12 and now she just refuses to talk to me. She says there is no way one person can have such bad luck. I dunno what planet she's on or from but I want her to come back to earth.

D and I had a great weekend. We watched movies and just hung out. Had a wonderful time....then he told me how much he loved me. Truthfully, I love him back. Not romantically, but if I let myself, I would. I'm just not ready. Not ready to be tied down, not ready to love or be loved.

8 days til the step....

Soooooo sleepy

Morning yall,

So I'm here at clinic and I'm tired as hell. I dunno why. I got plenty of sleep last night, i'm just really groggy. I drunk my daily dose of coffee and ate some oatmeal but to no avail I'm still sitting here half sleep thinking about ....well

D wants to ride home with me. His people live in the same place as mine. I told him I didn't care. He'll have a nice soft couch to sleep on. Am I wrong for that? I really enjoy D as a friend and I do not want to lead him on. So putting him on the couch is a good idea....right?

E still being ghost. I try to tell myself over and over again that he isn't avoiding me, this is just how he is. I mean, if we went about a month and I didn't text him...he'd be blowing up my phone trying to see if I'm ok. I know he likes me...he's actually said the words I like you to me recently. I just wish he were not so controlled with his emotions. But maybe I should take a que from him and disconnect myself. I'll try to not text him for a while....try......

Well its time for rounds....yawn........and I got 7 patients. Shoot me now

cyall