Monday, January 5, 2009

When it all falls down

Not many people read this blog. For that reason I feel that it is a safe place for me to vent my feelings of the recent events in my life.

Concerning my ex....I don't know what to feel. I'm angry for him leaving me, again, after he said he wouldn't. I mean damn, I could take the truth. On Christmas I gave him an out, I asked if he could deal with me and all the things that go on in my life. He said yes and then he left me. Do you know how hard it is for somebody to place their heart in the hands of another person. I don't think I'll ever love that hard again and if I miss out because of it, oh fucking well.

I miss him though. I've been spending the past 2 hours trying not to cry. I haven't cried since the night he left, but I'm real close right now. If only I weren't at clinic right now. I'd love to just be laying on my couch, curled up with my cats and watching the pointless Discovery Health programs (because I don't have cable and that's the only interesting channel I have). I miss my old life. I miss having a healthy mom, a boyfriend that loves me, and confidence in my abilities to pass this board exam.

Now mom's a shell of herself, I'm in love and furious with my best friend, and I am hopeful (not confident) that I will pass my boards. Life's so hard right now.

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